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How To Become An Expert At Loving In Separation |
Death ends a life but not a relationship. So have you ever wondered how you can keep the memory of your loved one alive? Or, how can you establish a new and stronger relationship with the person who died, now that he or she is not physically present?
The answer is compelling: practice becoming an expert at loving in separation.
Loving in separation is the act of thinking about, memorializing, celebrating, and doing anything that recalls your loved one and shows that love never dies. It may involve the use of rituals, symbols, nature, your creativity, or something that used to belong to the deceased.
Your intention to make these remembrances acts of love is all that is needed. Think of intention as a determined purpose to honor your loved one. It is an energy you can call on to meet your desire. Many people believe intention is a powerful force that already exists out there and only needs to be used. Use it to honor a life that has been lived.
Here is how many before you have expressed their love in separation, which you can build on and change, according to your needs.
1. Talk to your loved one. Yes, it is perfectly alright to talk to your deceased loved one. A woman I know says something to her husband every morning even though he has been dead for over three years. It lifts her spirits to start the day and then she goes about her scheduled appointments. She is as sharp and sound of mind as anyone I know, and her short conversations help her and she believes shows her love for her husband.
2. Display a symbol that represents your loved one at family celebrations. This could be something the deceased had made when alive, a favorite picture, or simply light a candle at meal time as a sign of recognition. The intent is to say he is remembered whenever the family meets and in spirit is still part of the family. You can also find a symbol to keep in your pocket or pocketbook. I know someone who always carried a small change purse that used to belong to her sister.
3. Choose a memory of your loved one that inspires you. Use this memory any time you choose to relax or take a coffee break during the day. You may also wish to consider using it as a replacement for a sad memory you have been reminded of or use it to inspire you to get a job done.
4. Use a familiar routine that include the loved one. Although new routines have to be established after the death of a loved one, there may be (and maybe not, because it is too painful) some routines that were shared with the loved one that can be retained. For example, if it were common to take a walk in the local park on a Saturday afternoon this may be something that should be retained and that brings pleasant memories.
5. If you have had an Extraordinary Experience where you are convinced you have received a sign or message from the deceased use the recall of the event as a way of showing your love by saying thanks for the gift. Write it up and reread it on occasion as a sign that love was given and received despite death.
6. Give people permission to talk openly about the deceased whenever the
conversation leads that way. Telling stories about the deceased and noting
characteristics brings great memories. As an example, my wife may say things like, my father loved this kind of bread or he always ate this ice cream for his dessert.
7. Consider some of the values, characteristics, sayings, or pet projects of your loved one that would be appropriate to adopt and incorporate into your life. This sort of identification can be useful and life-affirming. Many people, for example, choose to carry on a specific project or aid a charity as the deceased used to do. Others are determined to become more open to laughter or speak first when meeting someone, as their loved one did.
There are many additional ways that you can practice loving in separation. In doing so, you are establishing a healthy life-promoting relationship with your deceased loved one. At the same time, never use these important practices as a way to avoid the legitimate suffering and grief that tends to revisit through the years. Always give yourself permission to show emotion and face the sadness.
By: Louis LaGrand, Ph.D.
Dr. LaGrand is a grief counselor and the author of eight books, the most recent, Love Lives On: Learning from the Extraordinary Encounters of the Bereaved. He is known world-wide for his research on the Extraordinary Experiences of the bereaved (after-death communication phenomena) and is one of the founders of Hospice of the St. Lawrence Valley, Inc. His website is www.extraordinarygriefexperiences.com
Article source http://w4rum.com/1939.t
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| [By Kimber Fulcher] [05/May/07] |
